Marian Choir at Leslie’s Tagaytay
My choirmates and I were eating at Leslie’s Tagaytay. Somebody was treating us for it was his birthday. Most of us brought just enough money for a cup of Frapuccino while the one who is treating just brought enough for the food. So when the roving acoustic band stopped at our table and played a few songs, we looked at each other and said, “Sino mag-ti-tip?”
One of us suggested, “Wag n’yong sabayan yung kanta!”
I replied, “Wag din tayong mag-sway! Yung parang di tayo nag-e-enjoy.”
The band left, we ate our dinner. Tipid!
Polly Levantino
My co-Financial Advisor assigned in BDO Imus 1 is a newly hired girl named Polly Levantino. Levantinos hail from Cavite City but since I rarely go to the historic city, her surname is not familiar to my ears.
One time, I needed to fax a document to her branch. As usual, I inputted in the heading ATTENTION POLLY LEVANTO, not knowing that I mistakenly ‘murdered’ her surname. After a few minutes, she called up, “Orlee, mali naman ang apelyido ko eh!” she exclaimed. I then asked for the correct surname and apologized, she then said, “Pag ginawa mo pa ‘yan lagot ka sa lolo ko.”
She asked for another document a few weeks later. I was smiling inside when I purposely murdered her surname the second time, ATTENTION POLLY LEVANTINATO. She was furious. She called up and screamed at me and then banged the phone.
If she would call again and ask for a document, I already know what to put: ATTENTION POLLY LEVANTINANTINO. Hahaha!
This is of course from someone who has a beautiful surname: BALDEDARA.
Crush Interview
Mayette, my choirmate, was recently promoted in her job in AIG. During the Sunday mass, everyone was congratulating her; I then approached her and asked, “Wow! Team Leader ka na?”
She said, “Hindi!”
Then she told me that she applied for a different position in the company because she wanted a day job (Call Center) within the same company.
I asked her, “So day job ka na?”
She said, “Hindi pa rin.”
Confused, I asked, “Eh bat nag apply ka ng ibang position pero night shift pa rin?”
She smiled while saying these words, “Crush ko kasi yung nag-iinterview.”
“Ha?”
“Matagal ko nang crush yun kaso lang di ko pa sya nakaka-usap kaya nung malaman kong sya ang mag-iinterview, nag-apply agad ako. Eh pumasa!”
I laughed at the very thought of it and said, “Tama! Great career move motivation apply ka for another position kasi CRUSH MO YUNG NAG-IINTERVIEW.”
Chinese Salad
I was ordering my regular order from Wendy’s: The Big Classic Meal. I noticed that something was wrong with how she presented the meal. The paper placemat was turned upside down. I asked the Counter Girl, “Miss, bakit baligtad yung placemat?”
She smiled and said, “Sir, di na po kasi available ang Big Mandarin Chicken Salad.”
I was about to leave when I couldn’t help but want to joke about it. It’s Chinese for Pete’s Sake!. I returned to the counter and asked the girl, “Bakit, Miss may LEAD?”
The girl smiled and said, “Yes sir.”
I was shocked, I was only half joking when I asked it and then she didn’t even hesitated to answer.
Baga (Lungs)
Aki was playing alone with one of Ponette’s toys when suddenly the real owner appeared and screamed, “AAARRGGHHHHH! AKIN YAN!”
Aki, who is not yet a master with words, threw the toy to Ponette and screamed, “AYAN! ISAKSAK MO SA BABA (chin) MO!”
Ang Bait Talaga ni Lord
Joy happily shared to the group, “Ang bait talaga ni Lord.”
We all listened to her story because with an opening line like that you should never question or ridicule a statement that quotes the power of the Omnipotent.
She said that she hadn’t study for one of her Masteral quizzes. Good thing a classmate discovered and shared a leakage for the exam. After the scores were tallied she had a perfect 100 quiz result.
Leakage: Ang bait talaga ni Lord.
New Year Woes
Planning about the things we’ll do on New Year’s Eve (yes, we’re planning this early), tatay suggested that we should hose the roof of our Kubo (nipa hut) with water. This, according to him, is a safety precaution from stray fireworks to burn the kubo’s rooftop.
I asked him, “Tay, bakit mo sinasabi sa amin? Nasan ka ba sa Bagong Taon?”
He answered, “Baka lasing kasi ako nu’n.”
I wittingly answered, “Eh dapat buhusan ka rin ng tubig… Marami kang alcohol content, madaling magliyab.”
Automatically Manual
A friend asked me one time, “Automatic pala tong revo n’yo, no? Marunong ka naman sa Manual?”
I answered, “Actually ‘di na rin ako nakakapag practice sa Manual eh kasi lahat ng sasakyan namin Automatic.”
“Ilan ba sasakyan n’yo?”
“Eto lang.”
Bora Experience: Apologies
Third day meant pasalubong shopping; I am not good at bargaining so I watched Dudz and Agnes do the talking, “Patawad po,”, “Magkano dito?”, “Mahal naman ate.”
I would correct them, “Magkano ito? Hindi magkano dito!”
When I tried my luck for an item, the sale girl said a certain expensive amount, so I said, “Ang mahal naman! Kahit mag-sorry ako?”
Confused, the girl asked, “Mag-sorry?”
Agnes knew what I meant and answered, “Patawarin n’yo raw po s’ya.”
Bora Experience: Island Hoping
During the second day, we decided to Island Hop (we were first offered Beach Hoping: Let’s hope for the beach) and of course an additional level of darkness was bestowed to our skin tone. Some stranger asked if I was a native or a tourist. I thought to myself, “Kahapon mukha akong Korean, tapos ngayon mapagkakamalan na akong taga-Boracay?”
Bora Experience: Wrong Citizenship
On our first day, Agnes and I were walking along the beach to D’Mall (the ATC of Boracay) and some guy approached us and offered us, “Sir, do you want to go parasailing? I’ll give you good price.”
I was amazed that the locals speak in English, but since I’m on Vacation Leave I decided not to overuse my English prowess, “’Di na lang bossing, Salamat!”
The guy surprised said, “Ay! Pinoy pala kayo? Akala ko Korean. Muntik ko na kayong I-Annyong!” Annyong meaning the Korean for Hello.
Bora Experience: Korean Festival
During our stay in Boracay, there were a lot of Koreans so Agnes and I asked the locals, “Andami pong Koreans ano?”
“Ah opo, Korean Season kasi,” this means that a lot of Koreans, maybe because of their summer vacation, fly to the Philippines, Boracay in particular, to just enjoy the sun.
Dudz, came out from the room after preparing Julain, also noticed that there were a lot of Koreans said, “Andaming Koreano, ano?”
Agnes proudly answered, “Korean Festival kasi.”
I ridiculed Agnes and said, “Wow! Talaga? May parada?”
Kabayas
During our snorkeling moments in the white sand beach of Boracay (yes, I still can’t get over it), Dudz shouted, "Uy KABAYAS! KABAYAS!"
While other sosyalera groups would scream, "Hey fish, fish!" Our group was screaming, "OO NGA! KABAYAS NGA!"
"Pang pangat!" added Jun.
Puca ng Ina Mo
Roda, my colleague, asked for her pasalubong from Boracay, "Pare, sana pala nagpabili ako sa’yo ng puca shells!"
I told her, "Sayang! Andami pa naman puca sa Bora,"
"Pucang maputi.
Pucang basa.
Pucang binibili.
Puca na pinupulot lang.
Pucang pakalat kalat."
Cebu Pacific
Just got home from Boracay (Yeah! Baby!) and I found it amusing that Cebu Pacific holds little games during the flight. On our Kalibo-bound flight, it was a Trivia Question while our flight back to Manila held a ‘Show Me’ Game. I am appealing to Cebu Pacific to include the following games inside the airplane:
1. Best Bomb Threat Joke (tnx Jun)
2. Loudest Scream in the Airplane to Freak the Pilot
3. Role Playing: Terror Terrorists
4. Role Playing 2: Hostage-Hostage-an
5. And of course, the ever HABULANG GAHASA
