Picture Guide # 10
Come again?
Check
Nanay asked me this morning, “[But-]Choy, may cashcheck pa ba tayo?”
I thought about it thoroughly then said, “Nay, Blank check! Inisip ko pa kung anong cash at check eh.”
“Yun nga, di ba pwede namang i-cash yun,” Nanay replied.
Tem answered, “Nanay ko magpapalusot pa.”
Mau Marcello
Reineer, our balikbayan-friend from Ireland, never got to see Philippine Idol because of his work abroad.
One time, he told us, “Guys, nakita n’yo ba si Mau Marcello?”
We all said, “Oo s’ya yung Philippine Idol eh.”
“Napakapangit pala nun,” he said.
Winner
Tem, my sister, received a text message from a Secretary of a Make Believe Organization stating that she won Php 750,000.00. She just needs to call a particular number.
I already knew that it was a scam so I told her, “Di yan totoo. Yan yung mga nanloloko sa TV.”
Nanay, disappointed to the reality that I just bore, said, “Hindi ok lang yan! Sige na Tem taawagan mo na. Magpaloko tayo.”
Tem acting to call the number said, “Pag nanalo kami, di kita babalatuhan!”
Song Number
Ate Annie requested me before to sing on the last night of her dad’s wake, “Orlee kanta ka na ha?”
I insisted, “Ayoko talaga ‘te Annie.”
“Sige na! Kahit anong kanta,” she pleaded.
I answered, “O sige, Babalik ka Rin. Yun lang, wala nang iba.”
Taray
Gee Ann, my cousin, asked, “Ano number mo d’yan tatawagan kita,” referring to the office land line where I was at the time.
I forwarded the number and she was answered after two rings.
“BDO. How may I help you!”
Gee Ann was astonished by the greeting and said, “Wow! Ang taray!”
“Hello?”
“Butch!” she screamed.
“Ma’am BDO po tinatawagan nila?”
“Ay opo, pwede po kay Orlando?”
All I heard from Sir Romy, the Area Operations Manager while he was on the phone was, “Ah, ke Orlee po? Wait lang.”
Annie’s Eulogy
In Memoriam to Mr. Antonio Dominguez…
Ate Annie asked me, "Orlee, tulungan mo naman akong gumawa ng speech ko for tomorrow sa pasasalamat sa mga nakiramay," Rein and ate Annie’s dad lost the long battle with cancer.
"Huh? Pa’no ba ‘yun?" I asked.
"Gusto ko kasing umpisahan sa pasasalamat sa mga nakaramay," she answered, "tapos sasabihin ko sana: Umasa po kayo na kapag kayo naman po ang namatayan, o kayo man ang mamatay, ibabalik po namin sa inyo ang tulong pakikiramay na binigay po ninyo sa pamilya namin."
I laughed and asked, "Seryoso ka?"
She then answered, "Oo naman, tapos dadagdagan ko pa ng: sa mga nagbigay po ng dalawang daan, umasa po kayo na dalawang daan din po ang ibibigay namin sa inyo."
Lolo’s Birthday
Yesterday morning, Tem, my sister, told me, "Kuya, birthday ni Lolo Amang (paternal Grandfather) bukas. May swimming daw ulit sabi ni Gee Ann (cousin)."
Tatay then asked, "Kelan ba birthday ng lolo n’yo? Ngayon ba o bukas?"
I told him, "Ewan ko sa’yo Tay, Tatay mo yun eh."
Nanay then interrupted, "Teka! Ano ba ngayon? 22? 23?"
We thought nanay will remember her father-in-law’s birthday so we answered, "22 ho ngayon."
Nanay answered, "Tubusan na pala yung alahas ko bukas."
Wipe Lang?
I mockingly asked Chona, Marketing Officer of BDO SM Dasmarinas, when she was about to go the CR, “Wipe lang? Sure ka bang malinis na?”
She then asked, “Ano yan? Commercial ni Anne Curtis?”
I answered, “Oo nga eh. Eh di malamang sooner or later meron na rin sa mga lalaki?”
She laughed and asked, “Pa’no naman ‘yun?”
I said, “Pagpag lang? Sure ka na bang clean? Spray and wipe it.”
Graaand Reunion
Tatay approached his former Grade School classmate, “Pare, may reunion daw tayo.”
His classmate asked, “Talaga? Kelan daw?”
Tatay answered, “Sa atin daw naka depende kung kelan gaganapin eh.”
His classmate wondered and asked, “Bakit sa atin?”
Tatay replied, “Tayong dalawa lang ang a-attend eh.”
Mouse Potatoes
I am trying to monitor the time the kids, Paula and Sam, my nieces, spend their time using the internet so I see to it that they finish using the computer by 9pm. I would always warn them, “Tama na yang internet na ‘yan.”
One time, I arrived at 8 pm and Sam asked, “Tito, pa-internet!”
I answered, “Di pwede.”
She answered, “Ok.”
By 9 pm she again asked, “Tito, pa-internet?”
I answered, “9 o’clock na. Di na pwede.”
She, being a smarty pants that she is, answered, “Eh Tito 8 palang kaya kanina nung nagtanong ako sa’yo ng pa-internet.”
I answered, “Oh sige mag-internet ka na KANINANG 8. Eh 9 na tama na yang internet na ‘yan.”
Jumper
I exclaimed to my father, “Tay, nanood kami ni Denice ng JUMPER. Maganda! Panoorin n’yo ng nanay.”
Tatay smiled and answered, “Mababaw ka naman manood eh. Lagi mong sinasabi sa amin, ‘Tay panoorin n’yo to maganda!’ eh nagtataka kami ng nanay mo kapag nanood na kami, ‘Ano ba yung sinasabi ng anak mo na maganda?’”
I then answered, “Napansin n’yo rin pala ‘yun kasi kahit si Den sabi n’ya mababaw raw ang kaligayahan ko sa sine eh.”
Annie vs Orlee
Ate Annie, Reineer’s sister, approached me and screamed, “Orlee!”
Everybody from the tropa smiled so I wondered and asked, “’Te Annie, bakit?”
She angrily said, “Bakit sabi mo mas maganda si Aileen (Reineer’s other sister) kesa sa akin?”
Then I recalled the night I told ate Aileen about the comparison, “Ate Aileen, kapatid mo ba talaga si Reineer saka si Ate Annie? Mas maganda ka kasi sa kanila.”
Got Oatmeal?
After noticing Joy’s increasing weight we suggested that she eat oatmeal as an alternative to her usual rice meals. She said that she can’t stand the taste of oatmeal. The guys suggested these remedies to hide the taste of oatmeal:
- Tapa Oatmeal Itlog – A spin off from the famous Tapsilog (Tapa sinangag ang itlog) but this time it’s called Tapoatlog.
- Hotdog Oatmeal Extravaganza – Boo suggested that Joy eat Hotdog and oatmeal alternately, it neutralizes to powdery taste.
- Milo Oatmeal a la Nobleza – Arlyn suggested to mix the Milo with the Oatmeal to create a champorado effect.
- Tuyo and Oatmeal – The best suggestion so far. Replacing rice will be at its ultimate if parterned with Tuyo.
- Bailey’s Oatmeal – Talk about neutralizing the taste, I’ll bet my ass you won’t even taste the oatmeal with this combination.
- Oatmealette – Fold oatmeal inside a beaten egg. Disgustingly good.
Hollowed Man
After two months, we noticed that Reineer still hasn’t lost weight. We then asked, “Sure ka namayat ka?”
Reineer replied, “’Di lang namayat ‘yung ko katawan ko pero bumaba yung timbang ko.”
I then answered, “Hollowed ba ang loob mo?”
