Gee Ann - Sani Wedding 4: Balik Loob
The Gee Ann’s Wedding Invitation said 6 PM so Nanay decided to go there at 5 PM as to not miss the whole wedding mass. Apparently, it was set at 6 so that the guests won’t be late for the wedding mass at 7 PM.
Nanay, who is not a practicing Catholic, protested, “Antagal pa pala! Nakatatlong misa ako!”
“Ayus lang ‘yun, Nay,” I told her, “Para naman mabawi n’yo ang sampung taon n’yo ng ‘di pagsisimba.”
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See also Gee Ann’s Wedding Details, May Lahing Akyat Bahay, My Catholic Nieces
Gee Ann - Sani Wedding 3: Say What?
I sang a solo number in my cousin’s wedding and I jumbled the lyrics and it was too obvious. I was standing next to the bride and groom and during the instrumental part of the song my cousin gave me a word of encouragement, “’Di halata. Ako lang nakarinig.”
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See also Tear Jerker, Song Number, Havaianas for Christmas 2
Gee Ann - Sani Wedding 2: Evil Conspiracy
During Gee Ann and Sani’s Reception Program, I was pre-chosen as the garter recipient and my girlfriend, Denice, was the Bouquet recipient.
After the traditional putting of the garter on the Den’s legs using my teeth, another game was played between the bride and groom and the garter-bouquet recipients.
“We’ll ask people kung ano ang gusto nilang kiss na makita sa bride ang groom at kay Orlee and Denice,” said the host.
The given tasks were to kiss for 5 seconds, to kiss on the cheeks and to kiss going down and up. The people in the reception, mostly my relatives, were feeling awkward on behalf of Denice, whom they assumed I just met in the wedding.
After the game, people asked us, “Girlfriend mo ba ‘yan?”
I answered, “Opo.”
“Eh kaya naman pala eh!”
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See also Tear Jerker, Mang-inggit ba?, Catholic Girls
Gee Ann - Sani Wedding 1: Tear Jerker
Mayette, my choirmate, sang in my Cousin’s Wedding. She sang ‘Panunumpa’ during Gee Ann’s Bridal March. It was the perfect song choice. Every other member of my clan cried during the march.
When Mayette asked me about her performance, “Kamusta ‘yung kanta ko?”
I simply answered, “Nakakaiyak.”
She wondered, “Nakakaiyak?”
“Oo,” I replied, “Pwedeng double meaning yun pero naiyak sila eh.”
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See also Crush Interview, Gee Ann’s Wedding Details, Kasal Kasali Kasalo - Baldedara Version
Parmesan Cheese
Chona was telling me a story about her son’s request last weekend…
“Si Luis nag-request! Pizza. Wala naman akong problema sa dalawang slice ng pizza eh magkano ba naman lang yun? Mga 50 siguro. Kaso… may request, parmesan cheese daw. Nagustuhan nya yung nakahiwalay yung cheese na ibubudbod sa pizza. Check ako sa Supermarket. 400 pesos! Mas mahal pa sa pizza! Eh di bili ako: QBB. Grate ako tapos sabi ko sa kanya, ‘Anak, o ayan Parmesan Cheese.’ Lusot!”
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See also Luis’ First Airplane, Maid Application, Plastics
Bold Movies
While I was watching primetime TV, Ponette approached me. “Tito,” I knew something was up, “Si Aki! Nanood na bold! Kaninang umaga!” For a five year old girl, kissing scenes in movies are apparently BOLD MOVIES.
“Talaga?” I pretended to be mad so that they’d know it’s wrong, “Ano pinanood n’ya?”
“Nanood s’ya ng nag-la-love-love. Tapos sabi n’ya pag nakita n’ya raw yung classmate namin na si Aaron. Gagayahin daw nila ‘yun!”
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See also Baga, Spaghetti for Holy Week, Utang Mo
May Lahing Akyat-Bahay
Ate Pam pointed at a house while we were driving thru Sara Subdivision, “Nay! Ang ganda ng bahay na ‘yan! Parang anlaki!”
“Ah oo nakapasok na ako d’yan,” Nanay answered.
We then asked, “Kanino ‘yan?”
“’Di ko alam eh,” Nanay answered while we all wondered how she did it.
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See also La Germania, Corazon
Catholic Girls
Joy and Rommel are aware of the fact that Denice and I belong to different Christian Sects. This stirs a few arguments between us but we resolve it somehow.
Rommel is now in a relationship with a certain Laarnie. (Certain was used because we haven’t met her yet. Hehe.) So I asked him, “Wow! Congrats! Anong religion n’ya?”
Rommel answered, “Yun nga eh. Hindi rin s’ya Catholic.”
“Talaga? Ano religion n’ya?” Joy and I then asked.
“Methodist,” he replied.
I thought about it and said, “Ang gara ano? Parang wala na bang matinong Catholic Girls ngayon?”
Joy screamed, “Hoy! Catholic ako!”
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See also I Don’t Wanna Be There, Dressing Up a Pirate, Ang Bait Talaga ni Lord
Uninviting You In Advance
Aileen, a tropa from college, recently got married last February 28. She kept it a secret because she didn’t want to invite the whole gang. She said that it’s exclusive for the family. We accepted the reality but we still talked about it.
I called up Jane, “Jane, bakit kaya di tayo in-invite ni Aileen ano?”
Jane hesitated but answered, “Amm, invited ako eh.”
“Sinu-sino kayo?” I asked.
“Ako, si Midge, si Kat at si Moe,” she answered.
I got pissed, “Sige! Genyanan na! Hindi ko kayo i-invite pag ako kinasal! Sabihin ko rin kay Maricar wag kayo i-invite pag kinasal sya.”
Jane protested, “Hoy! Nung kinasal ako in-invite ko kayo! Si Aileen lang ang ‘di nag-invite sa inyo kaya s’ya lang ang wag n’yong imbitahin!”
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See also Smoking Can Cause Blindness, Motel Dasmarinas
Funny Bank Moment # 16: How May I Help You?
I answered the ringing bank phone…
Me: BDO. How may I help you?
Caller: Sir, Good afternoon! Pwede po bang magtanong?
Me: Sige ma’am.
Caller: Sir, pwede po bang magdeposit ng issued dated check sa account ng may ari ng company? Meron po kasing nag-issue sa amin ng cheke eh hindi po naming sure kung pwede po bang i-deposit yun sa account ng owner po ng company? Saka kung pwede po, how long po kaya yun bago ma-withdraw as cash?
Me: (Since I was not sure what to answer, I’ve decided to transfer the call to other Marketing Personnel) Okay, ma’am, hold on.
Caller: Sir! Ang haba ng sinabi ko, tapos hold on?!
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See Also Funny Bank Moment #1, #2, #3
After Ninety-Nine
Tem and I were teaching our nieces how to count ridiculously this evening, “O game! Ano susunod sa eighty-nine?”
Then Ponette and Aki would scream, “Ninety! Ninety-one, ninety-two, ninety-three, ninety-four, ninety-five, ninety-six, ninety-seven ninety seven, ninety eight, ninety nine…”
They left it hanging at 99 so Tem and I joked, “Tenty!”
Aki continued to count! Yes she did! “Tenty-one, tenty-two…” she counted until eleventy.
By Eleventy-three, Tem and I were laughing our asses off.
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See also My Catholic Nieces, Aki’s Friends 3, Nurse Aki
New Motto
"If your company pretends to pay you, get even, pretend to work."
My Catholic Nieces
I tagged Ponette and Aki to church for the very first time last Palm Sunday. It was the first time that I was stuck with the kids alone and helpless.
During the ceremony, Ponette got bored and fell asleep. So I left her at the pews while I busied myself in the celebration.
Aki participated in the mass but is very distracted, “Tito, bakit mas mahaba ang palaspas nila?”, “Tito, bakit may dugo yung kamay ni Jesus?”, “Tito, bakit yung bata tumatayo sa luhudan?”, “Tito, tubig ba ‘yun? (holy water)”
My patience was tested and I passed.
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During the solemn part of the Eucharistic Celebration, where the priest raises the bread to say that it is the Body of Christ, we were all kneeling and the whole church was very quiet, Aki screamed, “Tito, si Ponette! Nakanganga natutulog!”
I didn’t know what to do so I told her, “Sshhh…. Iikom mo yung bibig n’ya.”
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See also Spaghetti for Holy Week, Kids Say the Darnest Things, Young Alcoholic
Anak
Anak was shown on ABS-CBN last Good Friday. Shari was crying her eyes out during the climax of the film when Kay, her five year old daughter, told her, “Mommy, don’t cry! That’s not real.”
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See also India’s Turn, Saan?
Province
They asked me, “Sir Orlee, san ka nagbakasyon?”
I told them, “Umuwi ako sa province namin.”
“Wow! Talaga? Saan?”
“Sa Imus (Cavite). Province naman ‘yun ‘di ba?”
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See also India’s Turn, Reminscing, Pusyaw
