Picture Guide # 11: Leak

There was a leakage in our garden hose so Ate Mila, our househelp, tied it with rubber string to keep the water from leaking.

After noticing the job, Tatay commented, “Mila, buti na lang tinalian mo.”

Go Negosyo

I recently bought and started reading Go Negosyo by Joey Concepcion. I was torn between buying the First Edition or the Celebrity Edition. Then I thought of waiting for the Teen Edition but I decided against it.

Darna: Corazon Version

Vilma Santos has this new commercial for a detergent powder where she screams, “Darna!” then changes the scene to her present form. She tells some housewives, “Kung ganoon lang kadali ang umasenso, marami na ang lumunok ng bato.”

Nanay interrupted and said, “Hindi nilulunok ang bato, sinisinghot.”

Unemployed

Shari told me a story during our merienda break:

“Kanina ba naman, si Nhickei, napansin ko, pag may nag-oopen ng account at walang trabaho talagang sinasabihan n’ya ang client ng, ‘Pakilagay na lang po UNEMPLOYED’ Pwede namang N/A o kaya None. Parang napaka-inutil ng kliyente at walang makitang trabaho.”

Call a Friend

Warren usually has a problem with his househelp, after financing their transport from the province, some would cry and feel homesick. During times like that he would pretend to make a call and say, “Colonel, kamusta? O! Yung kasama ko dito sa bahay medyo naho-homesick, ano kayang gagawin natin?”

The crying maid would say, “Hindi, Kuya! Ok lang ako dito. Nag-eenjoy nga ako eh.”

Nosebleed Extravaganza

Kuya Mark, my American Brother-in-Law, visited us for two days without Ate Richie. This was the first time that he visited without the aid (meaning: constant translation) of my sister.

When he was seen in off in the airport by Tem, Jon-jon and Nanay, they realized that it was a quiet drive to the airport so Tem asked Nanay, “Nay, naikwento n’yo na ba ke Kuya Mark yung nangyari sa Bacoor?” A lawsuit was being filed by my cousin to some 20 drug addicts in Maliksi, Bacoor who beaten up my nieces in a fair (perya).

Nanay answered, “Hindi pa!”

“Sige, Nay,” Tem replied, “Ikwento mo!”

“Naku! Kahapon pa dumudugo ang ilong ko pati tenga na. Ikaw na magkwento!” Nanay replied.

Tem hesitated and asked Jon-jon to do it, “Bhie, kwento mo ke Kuya Mark.”

“Ayoko, Bhie, ang haba nun. Mahirap ikwento,” Jon-jon answered.

Tem was determined, “Kuya Mark, you know Ate Grace?” and she tried her best to tell the story while Nanay and Jon-jon slowly joined in the story telling. Some misunderstandings of words are asked by Kuya Mark constantly just to clarify them.

So it was three people telling one story to an American in the Philippines.

Brothers & Sisters

Chona was about to watch the mushy series Brothers & Sisters alone when her husband asked, “Ano nanaman ‘yan?”

“Basta! Maganda ‘yan,” Chona answered.

After a few minutes of indulging herself to the show, it came to a halt and noticed that Pau paused the DVD. “Bakit?!” she asked him.

“Iihi lang ako. Teka lang,” Pau replied.

Life Can’t Wait

I recently colored my hair just for the heck of it. Levin, my colleague, asked, “Pare! Pwede ba ‘yan?! Pwede ba ‘yan?!” He sounded excited as if he was given a new life on his looks.

“Pwede,” I slowly answered, “…kung bagay.”

Cedula Renewal

After the ITR Renewal, I told Shari during lunchtime, “’Di pa pala ako nakakakuha ng bagong Cedula.”

She then asked, “Cedula? Kailangan pa ba nu’n?”

“Oo naman!” I answered, “Ano ang pupunitin natin kapag ayaw na nating magpasakop sa kamay na bakal na gobyerno?”

Carpool

Warren and I were texting about the Bancassurance Awards Night Carpooling…

I asked him, “Pare, baka pwedeng makisabay sa Friday?”

“Sasabay ako kina Bambi o Noel eh,” he said.

Knowing Warren for 2 years, I knew this is a lame excuse for ‘ayaw kita kasabay’ so I replied, “Pare, alam ko ‘yang dahilan na ‘yan ah! Sige hwag na lang kung ayaw mo.”

He replied, “Hayup! Ikaw pa! Pasensya na, puno na kasi eh.”

Warren: Weak liar.

I got him. At least now I know that his car is just jam packed.

“Sige,” I replied, “Magdadala na lang ako.”

A few minutes later he replied, “Ayun pala eh! Sabay na lang kami sa’yo. Nang may makasabay ka man lang na awardee,” now he’s boasting about his award.

I then gave him a taste of his medicine, “Sasabay ako kina Roda o Levin eh.”

He replied, “Ok.” He bought it.

Please Remind me Again, and again, and again…

Tatay wasn’t able to attend the GeeAnn – Sani Wedding, He wasn’t able to see his favorite son perform the solo number.

Kuya Susumu, my Japanese brother-in-law, told Tatay, “Butchoy,” hand gestures singing, “sing ne.” Then he followed it up with a beating heart gesture, “Nervous,” then laughed.

See also Tear Jerker, Say What?, Jap vs Phi

Nanay’s Lovely Words

During breakfast, Tatay told Nanay, “Mura ka ng mura. Kung nakamamatay ang mura mo wala ka nang mga apo.”

“Ulila na rin si Don Miguel,” I told them.

Nanay then added, “Wala na ring pulubi sa lansangan. Mga put%$#@!”

President Orlee

As I told you before, I co-founded a bookclub of three members. One time, Estela, praised me for creating a detailed list of our reviews on each book, “Orlee, ang galing naman organized. Ikaw na ang President natin.”

Freida protested, “Tatlo lang tayo may president pa!?”

Remembering Roxane’s Health

Roxane, my coffee-drinking, skinny, former choirmate, told us a story…

“Hirap na hirap talaga ako magpataba kaya nga bukod sa iniinom kong kape, andami kong kinakain sa umaga bago ako umalis ng bahay. Tapos sa sobrang inip ko tinanong ko nanay ko, ‘Nay, bakit kaya ‘di ako tumabataba?’

Tapos sagot nanay ko, ‘Akala ko nagpapapayat ka? Slimming coffee kaya yung iniinom mo.’ Binili pala ni Nanay yun para magpapayat.”