Browdruff

Nhickei asked me, “Sir Orlee nag-powder ka?”

“Huh?” I asked.

“May pulbo ka pa sa kilay oh!” she pointed at my eyebrows.

“Ah,” I realized, “balakubak ‘yan.”

“Yuck!” she screamed.

Sleep Talkin’ 2: Boss Meynard

I expected it, I’ll be talking in my sleep in Australia and my boss would be hearing all of it (I was room-paired with my manager, Meynard).

On the first night, I was stark raving mad, screaming facing my boss’ bed, the words weren’t clear but I woke him up. He thought, “Galit ba ‘to sa akin?” but he continued sleeping when he realized that I was somniloquying.

The next night, I was laughing out loud while saying, “Gagu!”

Nice impression for the boss.

Putol

One of my paternal uncles, Kuya Rick, had a motorcycle accident and had needed to remove one of his legs from the knee down. It happened a few months back and he already adjusted to his new ‘walk’ in life.

I asked my father, “Tay, kamusta na si kuya Rick? Di na sya sensitibo sa legs n’ya?”

“Hindi na,” Tatay answered, “Tumatawa na nga minsan eh.”

“Talaga?” I asked, “Eh di panay-panay na ang jokes n’yo? Malamang ‘di na kayo nauubusan ng joke sa isang paa lang.”

“Oo naman,” he answered.

I asked, “Ano halimbawa?”

“Minsan,” he answered, “Uutusan ko s’ya, ‘Kuya, pakuha naman ng dahon ng bayabas?’ sya pa uutusan ko eh s’ya nga tong isa lang ang paa.”

I laughed and asked, “Yung putol pa ang uutusan ang paa.”

“Minsan nga…” he added, “kapag may dumarating na mahilig bumunot (magbayad) sa inuman sinasabihan ko yun: Kuya, bakit pag merong mahilig bumunot yung tuhod mo parang camera na laging nakatutok sa kanya?”

“Nagpapaawa?” I asked and laughed about it.

Choose a Laughter

Jessie, my friend who’s now settled in Hanoi, Vietman, and I were chatting this evening. We came to a funny topic when he laughed: Bwahaha. Here’s the official conversation:

Jessie Neil Ordonez: bwahahahah
orleee: wag mo na lagyan ng b yung tawa mo
orleee: parang dimonyo eh
Jessie Neil Ordonez: bkit>?
Jessie Neil Ordonez: anu ka ba
orleee: yung Bwahaha
orleee: pwede namang hehehe
orleee: or LOL
orleee: or HAHAHAHA
Jessie Neil Ordonez: anu ba ayoko ng LOL im not sosi
orleee: LOL!

Prank

As I watch watching the telly this morning, someone called over the landline phone. I let it ring for two times as to see the registration of the phone on the other line. Yes, we have a caller ID.

I answered, “Hello?”

A young girl answered on the other line, “Panget!”

Good thing we have a caller ID so I immediately called back. After one ring, it was picked up, “Hello?”

I answered, “Sino tumawag dito kanina!?”

She dropped it.

I kept calling back but all I got was a busy tone. I kept calling until someone answered.

It was answered after 5 minutes, “Hello?” it was a different kid, an older one.

“Sino tumawag dito kanina?” I asked furiously, “Sino tumawag dito kanina sa amin nanggugulo?”

“Baka po yung kapatid ko,” she answered.

“Sabihan mo yang kapatid mo ha?” I answered, “pag di kayo tumigil ng panggugulo, kayo ang guguluhin namin.”

After telling this story to my sister, Tem, she answered, “Kuya ko, pati yung bata pinatulan.”

Sydney Experience 2: Way

Because of the two-hour difference between Sydney and Manila, the flight to go there seem to be longer than the flight to home. I told Warren and Noel, my opinion on the matter, “Pare, saglit lang ang byahe pabalik, kasi alam na natin ang daan.”

Picture Guide # 16: Just in Case

Even my nieces now are doing my job of hunting wrong spellings in Japan for me. Samantha forwarded this picture to me saying, “Tito! Nakita ko ‘to oh. Kinuhanan ko para sa’yo.”

Sydney Experience 1: Run

Since it was a company-sponsored trip, after arriving in Sydney, one of my colleagues told us, “Ano, pare? Pag-labas ng Airport, kanya-kanyang takbo na!?”

Pity

I wrote a short anniversary message to my Boo. Apologizing for the endless pity fights that we had for the past year and she corrected me after she read the message, “Boo, hindi PITY FIGHTS… Petty Figths.”

I, embarrassed, immediately corrected her, “Bakit ano ba ibig mong sabihin sa petty fights?”

“Small fights,” she answered.

“Ah! Hindi naman yun ang ibig kong sabihin eh,” I replied, “Ang ibig kong sabihin dun eh yung mga nakakaawa nating away. ‘Pag nag-aaway tayo, merong kawawa sa atin.”

Picture Guide # 15: Orlando Belen

Rommel sent me this MMS with the caption: “Di lang pala ikaw ang ayaw patawag ng Orlando. Hehehe.”

Offertory

The Marian Choir, my choir, was assigned to be the ones to deliver the offertory in the mass this afternoon. This is an annual thing but this would be the first time that I’ll join to offer something (goodies, food, clothes) for the church.

I really had no idea so I texted Agnes, “Ano i-o-offer mo mamaya?”

She replied, “2 lata ng cookies. Ikaw?”

“Wala pa akong idea eh,” I replied, “pwede ba mantika?”

“Hahaha!” she replied, “Ikaw ang unang mag-o-offer ng mantika sa Katedral.”

Sagada Experience 7: Narrate Debate

I’ve decided to take a video of the spell-binding view of Sagada’s foggy journey. It was almost zero visibility and we are amazed by the driver’s knowledge of the road (Alam n’ya lahat ng liko kahit walang makita!)

After a few seconds, Boo started narrating. Watch it here and listen carefully. Magtalo ba sa narration?

Criticizing Ironman

I told my Tem, “Dang-ganda ng Ironman!”

“Ayan ka nanaman sa DANG-GANDA mo,” she would answer, “Da Vinci Code: Dang-ganda. I Am Legend: Dang-ganda. Lahat sa’yo maganda!”

“’Di mo kasi naiintindihan,” I would defend my critiques, “English kasi!”

She then punched me, “Hayup!”

Bowldedara

In lieu of a summer outing, my company decided to hold a Summer Bowling Tournament in SM Mall of Asia Bowling Center. It was my second time, in my two year stay with Generali Pilipinas, that a bowling tournament is sponsored by the company.

I hosted the event (Freida: Host ka nanaman? Sawang-sawa na kami, Orlee!) and also played some rounds. I cheered everybody while they play:

I would cheer for a strike (Meynard: Ayus!).

I would cheer for a split (Levin: Pare, dang-kulit mo!)

I would scream at each canal other players would play (Robin: Orlee, ‘wag ka nga dito! Nanggugulo ka!)

And laugh out loud for every dropped (not rolled) balls (Jemma: Humanda ka sa akin, Orlee, mamaya!).

After cheering, screaming and just plain mocking my colleagues (on top of hosting), I got tired and realized, “Nakakapagod pala ang bowling.”

“Eh paano!? Sigaw ka ng sigaw!” they would all answer.

Astigmatism

After 12 years of wearing eyeglasses / contacts, I’ve finally decided to have a LASIK Operation. My co-book club founder, Estella, had one and advised me that it is great not to be trapped in glasses anymore.

My Eye Doctor advised me last year that my eye grade is too low for a LASIK Operation. I’ve decided to ruin my eyes for the operation. My eyes are currently in 250 Power. Most four eyed people have it when they have a 700 vision.

After a year of reading in a moving vehicle, reading in the dark, watching TV without the lights on, reading books that has really small fonts, surfing the net with my eyes too close to the PC, I just had my eye examined this afternoon for a new pair of contacts (my current contact lenses are due), and guess what? My eye grade is still the same and worst: my astigmatism got lowered.

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