Allow Us to Be Prank
A few years back, we would, once in a while, receive phone calls in our landline, “Eto po ba ang Funenaria?”
My nanay really got pissed off with these prank callers. Once is ok. We would laugh at it, but if it was done everyday, who wouldn’t get pissed, right? And the fact they are playing with the funenaria joke. It’s just sick.
So nanay would really stick it up to them, “Mga put%^$%^^&nyo!” and slam the phone everytime.
A few weeks later, we learned that the real ‘funenaria’ had the same digits as our land line number with one digit difference. We then realized, “Nay, ibig sabihin, mga minumura n’yo mga namatayan talaga?”
Call Boo
Because of the sudden disconnection of pre-paid long distance phone card calls, Boo and I decided to say goodbye in the middle of the conversation:
“Ok, Boo, I love you… I miss you so much… Oh ok na. Kamusta? Ano nangyari sa’yo kanina?”
Zinnia and Wrath
I overheard Zinnia screaming over the phone on her cubicle, “…I’M NOT ACCUSING YOU! I’M JUST TELLING YOU…”
During lunch, I asked her, “Ano bang nangyari?”
She then told me about a claim cheque that has long been pending and she’s following it up from the Insurance Company. She then told me, “Ang hirap pala magalit ng English.”
“…nang hindi nakainom,” I added.
Lamb!
Because of the high percentage of road accidents here in Dubai, one can’t help and wonder “Kung ako kaya mababangga ng kotse, ano kaya ang brand?” Huh?
I then asked Che-che, “Pwede na bang magpabangga kapag ganyan ang kotse?”
Practical Applications of Accounting
Boo, my CPA girlfriend, checked out my Friendster account and asked certain girls from my friends list. “Sino sila?”
I answered every person that she asked and then I asked, “Bakit, Boo?”
“Wala lang. Surprise Audit.”
Breach
Nanay told my sister, “Umuwi ka na, wag mo nang tapusin ‘yang kontrata mo d’yan sa Dubai!”
Tem answered, “Nay kailangan ko ng 2,000 US Dollars dahil ‘di ko tatapusin ang contract. Penalty plus Airplane Ticket…”
Nanay knew other ways than to pay the amount so she advised Tem, “Manapak ka na lang d’yan para ipa-deport ka nalang ng amo mo!”
Not Yet Sure
One of our colleague, asked us, “Sabihin ko na ba sa HR na may asawa na ako?”
I answered, “Oo naman, pare. Limang buwan na tayo sa company! Para mabago na ang status mo. Malay mo mas maganda benefits mo kasi may asawa’t anak ka na.”
Zinnia asked, “Bakit kasi nagpakasal ka eh nung day before your flight?”
“Di pa kasi ako ready magpakasal,” our colleague answered, “na-pressure lang kami ni misis kasi aalis na ako pa-Dubai.”
“May anak ka na!? ‘Di ka pa ready magpakasal??” I asked him, “Ano yan? Parang, ‘hon, ngayong may anak na tayo, pwede let’s take things slow?’ parang ganun ba yun?”
Funny Bank Moment #19: I-li-noy
One of my flatmates, had this experience when he still worked for a bank in the Philippines. He noticed that the client, an old lady, indicated only USA as her US address instead of the complete address:
Teller: Ma’am isulat n’yo po ang complete address n’yo sa US.
Client: Hijo, pwede bang ikaw na ang magsulat ng address?
Teller: Ma’am bawal po kami magsulat. Dapat po kayo ang magsulat.
Client: ‘Di ko kasi alam ang spelling ng I-li-noy
Teller (di rin alam): Ah…eh… Sige ma’am USA na lang po.
Client: Sabi ko sa’yo USA na lang eh.
The Memorandum
One of my former colleagues, I’m not naming which company, received a memo from a superior:
You were hired because you demonstrated the skills necessary to make positive contribution to (Company Name). Hence, to achieve excellence, you are required to perform your duties regularly, meet all standards of work satisfactorily with diligence and dedication and show respects to your superiors, co-employees and others in general. Failure or willful disregards in attending training and other similar or related activities constitutes a violation of the Company’s Code of Conduct.
Furthermore, as an employee, you must demonstrate a sincere interest and enthusiasm in your job. You must show a positive outlook towards (Company Name) - its business, operations, beliefs and concerns. You should also show willingness to learn and demonstrate maturity in accepting criticisms and remarks regarding your work and attitude.
This memorandum will serve as a first warning to the concerned (position). Further infraction to this administrative detail will be dealt with accordingly. In this regard, the concerned (position) whoe name appears above is directed to submit a letter addresed to the SVP of (department), explaining their reason(s) for non-compliance on or before February 20, 2009.
As you are aware, the Code of Conduct, the pertinent policies and rules and regulations of (Company Name) remain in full force and effect, for which reason you should conduct yourself in accordance of the provisions of the code. Failure to conform to the code of conduct shall open yourself to definite disciplinary action up and including termination of your employment.
She then told me: “Ang haba no? Late lang naman ako ng 15 Minutes.”
LV for Chona
I caught Chona, my former colleague in BDO SM Dasmarinas, online last night.
Me: Ching, kamusta?
Chona: Papa Orlee!
Me: Ka-chat mo si Pao? (her husband in Abu Dhabi)
Chona: Hay naku! Tinulugan ako.
Me: Bakit?
Chona: Kasi naman, nagpabili ako ng LV (Louis Vuitton) na bag sa d’yan sa Dubai, eh ang tagal n’ya sumagot, bumili na rin tuloy ako dito (sa Pinas). Dalawa tuloy ang LV kong bag. Magkaiba namang style eh, di ba ok lang ‘yun?
Me: Magkano bili mo d’yan?
Chona: Php 55k.
Me: Tutulugan ka nga nun!
***
Happy Birthday Ching!
Vye Vye Bista
Ronald and I went to Al-Ain Center, sort of Harisson Plaza of Dubai if you must, to fix my laptop. My Windows Vista expired.
The Indian from Al-Ain Center told me that he’ll install a Windows Vista that doesn’t expire and some files won’t be recoverd.
I asked the Indian guy, “My friend, can’t you really recover my files?”
The Indian guy answered, “It will cost higher.”
Since I already saved my files on an external hard-disk, I told him, “Erase everything! Delete all my files.”
Picture Guide # 18: Philippino Oods
This restaurant sign in Dubai says they serve all kinds of Filipino Food. I doubt it!
Picture Guide # 17: The Happy Poison
While walking down Al Rigga Rd, we found this Danger Sign: The Happiest Danger Sign in the World.
Yeah Men!
In the Philippine Conulate this morning, while I was waiting for my passport renewal, I overheard two Filipinas, one in Abaya, introducing themselves:
Pinay: Nakapag-asawa ka ng lokal?
Abaya Girl: Lokal-lokalan lang ‘yun.
Pinay: Taga-saan ang asawa mo?
Abaya Girl: Yemen s’ya.
Pinay: Saudi Arabia?
Abaya Girl: Yemen. Yemen.
Pinay: Middle East?
Abaya Girl: Oo. Sa Yemen.
Pinay: Oman?
Abaya Girl: Hindi po. Sa tabi ng Oman: Yemen.
Jobless - Gabless
Gab was jobless. He resigned from his Bank Job in Abu Dhabi and tested his fate in Dubai. Fortunately, he got a post in RAK Bank Dubai. Now I could list down the things that we used to say to him when he was jobless. (Finally!):
1. “Pare, may openning daw sa Burger Machine Dubai”
2. Julius always calls him before coming home, “Boy, ‘yung kotse ko ok na ba?”
3. After coming from church, Gab told me, “Bakit ‘di mo ako sinama?” I told him, “Ok lang napagdasal ko na ang safe flight home mo.”
4. While he was doing the bagging of our Ikea-Shopping, we joked him, as if shocked, “Pare!? Dito ka pala nagwo-work!??? Kelan pa!?”
5. Jules calls him Ali because he always stays home and does the flat-chores: Ali-pin
6. Talking about my planned US trip on July, he asked, “Pare, t-shirt lang ako, ha?” I answered, “Paano ko naman ibibigay sa’yo ‘yun eh nasa Pilipinas ka na nun!” (deported)
7. “Gab, masaya raw sa Kish!”
